Suicidal

Content warning: This relational meditation centers suicidality including suicidal talk (as well as talk by currently suicidal people) and suicidal ideation. Dear reader, approach this piece with compassion and care. Seek the support and care you require—ideally on your terms and in a community of care. In this relational meditation, I offer a performative response to Alexander Baril’s (2020) “suicidal manifesto” in the hopes of “building relations with suicidal people” (sec. 2.3.2, para. 2). Of the current crises we are navigating, suicidality persists. Be it through the recent loss of a dear queer mentor and friend to suicide, the suicidal student whose means of relating evade the violence of mandated reporting over mandated care, or the mundane suicidal ebbs and flows that have long organized my own lived experience, suicidality is a fact of my life and I would venture to suggest yours as well. I performatively engage Baril’s “critical suicidality” in the hopes of inviting further and even more complex dialogues around mental health, wellness, and suicidality free of stigma and shame. While we theorize, organize, and perform means by which to survive our current crises, destigmatizing suicidality must be of paramount importance. This was not easy to write; it may not be easy to read.